The Adventures of Mytho's Lunchbox
by SilverSeas
Summary: Join Rue as she... boards a bus with a load of crazies? May qualify as a crack! fic


Hi there. So, I wrote this a while ago and after a few months-long debate with myself about whether or not I should post this, I decided that it wouldn't hurt. just BE WARNED: it gets _crazy_. Literally. I started out writing this seriously, and then I realized that I had no idea where I was going with it so I said, "Let's throw in some crazy to this pot of soup."

Minor cursing; some out-of-character-ness; references to the Princess Tutu Abridged Series by TutuOnAbridger (look them up on youtube! They're hilarious xD)

No real couples. Just randomness. This might qualify as a crack! fic.

I do NOT own Princess Tutu. Or lunch boxes. Or Mary Poppins.

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><p><strong>The Adventures of Mytho's Lunchbox<strong>

The young lady boarded the bus. After tentatively climbing up the short steps, she deposited her few coins into the coin box up in front and stared down the long, dirty aisle in search of a vacant seat. She was shocked to see that the large vehicle was close to full, and that there was only one bench free on the right side of the bus in the very center. The brunette found her feet gliding her over to the spot, much like how they normally danced her body across a smooth, hard wooden floor during her many intense ballet rehearsals.

But not today. Today, the young woman was taking herself on an out-of-the-blue adventure. She had decided late last night that she owed herself this act of randomness and had vowed herself to take the earliest bus out of town the next morning.

It was still only six AM; understandably, her confusion to the crowdedness of the bus was at a maximum. Were they all going on their separate journeys? Was everyone else on the bus finally fed up with his or her strict, scheduled lives? Did everyone within the moving monstrosity develop a strange, foreign pulsing in his or her legs recently and feel the need to just _run away_?

Or maybe they were all simply going to work.

The girl looked down at her lap. She sighed as she rubbed the palms of her hands against her denim-clad thighs. She didn't think that anyone would be able to recognize her as a dancer from the way she had messily dressed herself that day. Her attire was simple, sure, but it was also almost sloppy. The girl's jeans were faded—greatly, greatly faded— and had patches on the sides, covering up the largest of all possible tears. Her maroon hoodie was too long in the sleeves and it too sported its share of holes, though those weren't truly all that noticeable. Her sneakers were old and fraying at the laces and her hair was hung up in a lazy ponytail. Atop of all that, the girl hadn't applied her makeup on her pretty, pretty face for the first time in _ages_; she felt very exposed, as though she had always worn a mask that had finally been pulled from her face and revealed to the world her true feelings.

As the lady's red eyes shifted toward the scuffed-up glass window by her side, she took note that it was raining. _"Great, of all days for me to skip classes and seek adventure."_

The town bus pulled up to an abrupt stop, causing the girl to hit her back hard against the vinyl seats of the bus. She paid no mind to the soul man who stepped onto the bus and deposited his money; she had no real reason to acknowledge him, right?

But then she remembered that the only remaining seat was at her immediate side. The young lady only realized this, however, when she heard the man speak in a low, soft voice, "May I take this seat, Miss?"

The girl's red eyes glanced up; she was about to scoot herself and her backpack closer over to the scuffy window when she took note of the man's amber eyes and white, white hair. But the man was not old – he in fact looked to be about her age.

"S-sure," the brunette woman managed to stammer out. As the man sat down, the young lady felt very much like kicking herself; she had stared much too long at this stranger's seemingly bipolar age.

The pair sat in silence; strangely enough, the entire bus sat in silence; the only noises heard were those of the whirring wheels beneath the sixty mile-an-hour contraption and the light raindrops on the bus's metal ceiling. Who turned the chatter off? The area had been buzzing with conversation when the girl had first boarded the bus, right? Or had she simply not taken any notice of anything at all upon her entrance except for the fact that only one seat had been available for her to take?

The man had with him a box. That's all. A simple white box, decorated with little shards of red glass. The man opened the cubed item, rummaged in it for a few moments, and pulled out something wrapped in wax paper. As he crinkled open the paper, he turned to the woman at his side, "Want a bite?" he asked.

A sandwich? Somehow, the girl had expected something with a much deeper meaning than a food item. Reasoning dawned on the woman as she realized that the white box with red shards was a _lunch box_.

"_Gosh, people still carry those around?"_ The young woman waved a hand in front of her face "I'll pass," she smiled lightly.

The man shrugged and turned to his sandwich, taking a first bite and chewing on the piece in his mouth for a few seconds before going in to take another bite. The girl grew tired of watching the man gnaw on his food and turned her attention once more to the town's buildings and cars zooming past her viewing window.

Some hours later, the girl found that the bus was no longer traveling through an urban city, but rather through an abandoned countryside. Just as suddenly as she noticed this, the bus screeched to a sudden halt. The laws of inertia went against the woman as her body jolted forward.

She was surprised to find that her nose never came into contact with the seat in front of her, however. The man with the lunchbox had caught her before her beautiful face could come into such horrible contact. "Are you okay?" the white-haired gentleman asked the girl as the bus driver banged his fists against the steering wheel angrily and cursed his way off the bus.

"Y-yeah, yes. I'm—thanks. Uh, thank you, I mean, for saving—I mean, catching, me."

The man's amber eyes continued to stare deep within the girl's red ones. He still held her, as though she was still falling face-first into the seats before her. They stayed there, listening to the bus driver's angry curses at the bus's engine breaking down.

"What's your name?" the man questioned the girl in his grasp.

"Um," the said girl shifted uncomfortably, having only just realized that she was in fact being held in the arms of a complete stranger. "R-Rue."

"I'm Mytho." His sturdy arms did not shift from their position around Rue's waist. "Are you hungry?"

Rue fidgeted some more and was finally able to break herself free from Mytho's arms. "Not at the moment, thanks," she breathed out shortly. She stood up and gazed around the bus only to find that she and Mytho were the only ones left on it. "Where is everyone?" she voiced out to no one in particular.

Mytho, however, did not catch on to the rhetorical-ness of the question. "They all departed from the bus as we traversed along the bus route. Then, the bus broke down on the countryside and the driver had to leave to go inspect it."

Rue stared down at her only bus companion, "Uh, t-thank you for telling me?" The pair heard more rain pattering upon the roof above their heads and the angry calls of the bus driver, who was still trying to fix whatever had caused the bus to break down in the first place.

Drowned in her own little thoughts, Rue failed to notice Mytho digging through his small lunch box once more until he asked, "Do you want some watermelon?"

"W-what?"

Mytho lugged a huge, full-sized watermelon out of his tiny little white box.

"Who are you? Mary Poppins?" [1]

The man looked confused, "No, I'm Mytho."

Rue actually slapped herself in the face; Mytho obviously could not detect sarcasm or rhetorical questions. "I meant: how did you fit a _watermelon_ into your lunch box?"

Mytho stared at his lunch box, "I don't know. I just wanted some watermelon, so I took it out of my lunch box. Don't you do the same thing when you want watermelon?"

Rue gaped. Was this guy for real? "N-no. Most people don't… no."

Mytho shrugged that shrug of his and turned back to his watermelon. "Well, do you want some, Rue?"

Rue glanced out the window; the rain was still pouring and the bus driver was still giving his deepest death threats to the vehicle's engine; it looked like she was going nowhere anytime soon. Sighing, she succumbed to Mytho's strange offer. "Sure, Mytho; I would love some watermelon."

Mytho pulled out a knife from his magic lunchbox and started to cut out perfect wedges of the fruit for him and Rue to share. They slurped on the watery fruit for a few minutes, until both of their respective wedges were gone, before Mytho went back to carve some more from the large, ripe watermelon.

"Mytho, why did you get on the bus this morning?" Rue asked her companion. Might as well talk to this weirdo.

Mytho did not look up from his carving as he responded, "Princess Tutu told me to quit being so lazy and to search for the heart shards myself."

_What. The. Hell?_

"Would you like another piece of watermelon, Rue? It's quite fresh."

"_Princess Tutu?_" Rue gawked at the young man cutting his very out-of-place watermelon. "_Princess Tutu?_ Are you on drugs?"

Mytho gave Rue yet another puzzled look, "No, I'm on a bus."

Rue shook her head. "No. I'm sorry, I mean—who _is_ Princess Tutu?"

Mytho shoved his half-eaten watermelon inside his disproportionately small lunch box and closed it so that the intricately designed lid faced upwards. He lifted the box up and showed the design to Rue, "My heart shards," he said, "Princess Tutu has been gathering them up for me and placing them on this box." Now that Rue got a closer look, she saw that the red glass shards actually did form a picture of a heart (though, she must admit, it was not the common type of heart shape that people normally think of. This pattern was designed to look like the heart _organ_).

"But, why a _lunch box_?"

"Princess Tutu says that the heart of every man lies in his stomach."

Dot. Dot. Dot.

"Would you like some pizza, Rue?" Mytho offered, pulling a take-out pizza box from his magical-lunch-box-of-wonders.

"I'll take some!" the bus driver called through the open window.

"Okay, Fakir," Mytho responded.

"Wait, wait, wait," Rue interrupted Mytho as he began to slice up the pizza for the three of them, "You _know_ the bus driver?"

Mytho nodded. "Of course. His name is Fakir, and he's trying to make sure that I don't get my heart shards."

"No, Mytho, I changed my mind, remember? I want you to get your full heart back now," the bus driver called from the raining outdoors.

"Oh, that's right," Mytho said. "Right, now it's just Drosselmeyer and Princess Krahe who want to steal my heart from me."

Rue was beyond confused at this point in Mytho's tale, "Another princess? Where did _she_ come from?"

"Oh, Princess Krahe was raised by a raven. Fakir often calls her a crow."

Rue felt like she should just give up on the whole thing, but she is a smart girl and does not enjoy being in such a huge state of confusion, "I don't—"

"AHAH! I'VE GOT IT!" Fakir shouted from the back of the bus, as Rue heard the engine roar back to life. Fakir marched proudly onto the bus, his arms raised triumphantly above his head; a little duck perched in his palms. "This _duck_ was stuck in the engine. Look at it! Isn't it cute?"

Rue stared; this bus driver was certainly very different from the one that had originally stomped away, letting loose every fowl word known to the human race.

The roof of the bus caved and all the water that had been resting on top came pouring into the compartment; the duck in Fakir's hands transformed into a girl, naked and blushing.

"Oh, Duck, what are you doing here?" Mytho questioned the new appearance as Fakir rushed to hide his face into a corner.

"Mytho, could you pull some clothes out of your lunch box for me?"

"I only have Princess Tutu's outfit in here."

"That's okay; I'm the only one who fits into that dress anyway." [2] As the new girl stepped into the ballerina costume, she transformed, once again, from Duck to a swan-like princess.

"Oh my goodness, Princess Tutu!" Mytho gasped in astonishment.

"Mytho! I thought I told you to find the rest of your heart shards you lazy ass!"

"I'm so sorry, Princess Tutu! Your ass is perfect!" [3]

"Thank you. Thank you very much, Mytho; I'm flattered."

"Duck, would you like some pizza?" Fakir offered Princess Tutu a slice.

"Yes, thank you, Fakir. You're name is Rue, right?" the Princess turned to Rue. "Here, have some pizza, Rue; I can't let another girl's ass become more perfect than my own."

"I want some pizza!" Mytho wailed.

"You'll get some pizza once you find the rest of your heart!" Princess Tutu declared.

Rue felt uneasy on her legs and decided that it would be very wise for her to sit down. She had left this morning seeking adventure, and she surely received just that.

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><p><strong>Footnotes<strong>:

[1] - Mary Poppins is a Disney film. The main character (Mary Poppins) has a small bag that she can pull _anything and everything_ out of.

[2] - The TutuOnAbriger team jokes that the only reason why Duck was chosen to be Princess Tutu is because she is the only one who could fit into the costume.

[3] - The TutuOnAbridger team also jokes about Duck's/Princess Tutu's perfect ass.

**Please tell me what you think! Just no bashing, please 3**


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